Monday, October 22, 2018

Invisible Mama

Writing heart stuff is hard. It's something I have been avoiding for quite some time.

1 year 7 months, to be exact, since my last dose of #reallife motherhood in blog form. So much is on my heart yet it's hard to find the words these days. Emotions are tough. I launched this blog years ago not to solely write on fun, easy topics but to hit the hard ones that are more difficult to articulate. This one has been on my heart lately and I know it's worth writing out.

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Invisible Mama.

She’s not really a person but more so a feeling. A feeling of giving and giving and giving until there's nothing left. You're not even sure who is left, she's almost unrecognizable.

But that’s silly, because I know who I am, right? I am a daughter of the King, the Bible says so. But when I hit that point of emotional exhaustion, I lose sight of that truth and struggle to believe that Someone does in fact care about me. And with an even greater love than I have for my own children. How is it even possible?


Mom. Hey mom!
Mom. Can I have _____?
Mama. Hey, mama! Mom. MOM!
Mama, go away! You're a meanie!
MAMMAAAAAA!!!! WAAAAAA! Curty’s getting my stuff!
Mommy, I love you. You're a nicey.

I love, love, love those sweet little voices to absolute pieces. And I have never been more emotionally exhausted in my entire life. It's the ups and downs of a three-year-old's mood swings. An independent five-year-old with the 'tude of a teenager. And our busiest baby yet.

Admitting a struggle is something I often avoid for fear of appearing ungrateful for the blessings in my life or of appearing to be a whiner, because someone always has it harder. Which is true, someone does always have it harder.

How did the women of the olden days hold it all together? I often think of how tough they were. How they didn’t get breaks ever and husbands were rarely involved in caring for children. How tired those mamas must have been because, heck, they didn't even have dishwashers back then!

Do you think Caroline Ingalls ever complained? Sometimes I wonder. (Caroline is a book I hope to read someday)

Today I feel exhausted and, yes, a bit invisible but I am doing my best to practice contentment and put on a happy face. All of the potty accidents (1), dirty diapers (like 8) and barf (1) today will be something I will look back on and laugh someday. Maybe.

It's quite possible I’m not the only mama who feels invisible from time to time and there is a way through this. Knowing that these efforts of investing into the souls of our children are not in vain, but in fact carry eternal value breathes new life into my spirit. It really does.
 “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6:9-10‬ ‭NLT‬‬
This is our mission field. God Himself sees the effort we are putting in, the good we are doing and the seeds of faith we are planting day in and day out — even if it feels as though no one else does. He sees them and He promises that we will reap a harvest of blessing!

IF. That's a big "if".

IF we do not give up.

To the mama who feels invisible, and I write this as much for myself as for anyone else, know that YOU are in a MINISTRY right at this very moment, and a very demanding (and messy) one at that.

Motherhood is a ministry. You are making disciples. You are sowing seeds of faith and love. It may take some time (read: years, possibly decades) to see the fruit, but planting those seeds of faith while remaining rooted in God’s Word is Kingdom work and making an eternal difference.

Continue planting those seeds of faith and pressing on.
DO take a nap, if possible, or go to bed earlier than usual.
DON'T feel bad for asking for help.
You can ditch the mom guilt, too. That would help a ton.

You may feel invisible but you are not alone.
Stay faithful & don’t give up.

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